Hello. This is Taehoon Kwon.
It feels like it’s been a while since I’ve greeted you so formally. How have you been?
The current political and economic climate in South Korea is precarious. Just overnight, the issue of martial law flashed by, leaving a trail of intense discussion in its wake. In an era where news is so overwhelming, those who correct misinformation are more precious than those who merely generate it. I hope you can process these events through your own judgment without being buried by falsehoods.
This year, I cast off many of the risks I carried last year, indulged in a bit of greed, and ultimately let go of just as much. I am where I am today because I was fortunate enough to be surrounded by all of you—exceptional individuals. I share this letter with the hope that brilliance fills all your lives.
Discharge, Resignation, and the Pivot
The enlistment rate for the Republic of Korea Air Force hit a 10-year high of 10:1. For general soldiers, which I was, the overall rate was 9.4:1. I was lucky enough to apply two years ago and was discharged at the end of May this year. While the discharge itself didn't feel like a monumental shift, I find deep meaning in the relationships I built and the lessons I learned about work during my service.
The biggest event of the year, however, was my career change. I became a scuba diving instructor. I quit being a developer.
Last year, my plan was to return to engineering. I thought about what defined a "great developer," but that vision never quite took hold. I sent out resumes and had meetings with developers at other companies, but the results were disappointing. While the economy was tough, I know that’s just an excuse. I had neglected development for far too long, so the outcome was, in many ways, expected.
My skills had regressed, and I had lost interest. That was the long and short of it.
Everything changed in a matter of days. In a brief moment, I let go of what I knew and prepared to leap into a new battlefield. At the time, I didn't even know where Bohol was, but I headed to where my friend J was working and told him, "I want to be an instructor."
I first met J in Jeju. He was the one who taught me when I first picked up scuba diving. I owe my passion for diving to having such a great teacher. What started with "Instructor" eventually grew into a friendship with J. Several timings aligned, and I was incredibly lucky. It just so happened that an instructor exam was scheduled for July in Bohol, and an opportunity arose to start working immediately at the shop where J was. I said I’d go right away.
June was a painful month of transition. I was unexpectedly unemployed with no clear end in sight. People around me comforted me, saying I deserved a month off after being discharged in May, but I wasn't so sure. To brush it off as mere "rest" felt empty—I wasn't exactly sad or suffering, but a hollow space remained in my heart. Returning to university was an option, but I didn't want to. While there is certainly value to be found there, my thoughts on university remain unchanged. I’ve written about this in The Idea of a University.
And so, I pivoted my life. Looking back, it was a series of wandering days, but I finally feel like I’ve found my place. Now, I must clear the path ahead and solidify it as I move forward. As I mentioned in last year’s letter, I hope to open a diving resort somewhere overseas in ten years and spend my semi-annual breaks traveling in a food truck. Looking at that goal, the pivot at this moment feels right.
Ten and One
Teaching someone is a sacred act. Back when "future dream" meant only thinking about job titles, the first one I ever wrote down was "teacher." Just as I felt something profound after seeing my 6th-grade teacher save my younger self from a burden I couldn't shoulder alone, the thought of "I want to be like that person" was a powerful motivator.
"To teach." Naver’s dictionary lists the first definition as "to explain and help someone acquire knowledge or skills." But the definition I hold most dear is the fifth and final one: "To make someone aware of the attitudes or values necessary for living." This, to me, is the very reason teaching exists.
There is a saying that you must know ten to teach one. While there is a nuance between a "lecturer" and a "mentor," a true teacher-student relationship goes beyond transmitting knowledge and skills to sharing the wisdom of life. I’ve always dreamed of such a life, though reality was never easy. Perhaps because I’ve lived with this mindset, I found great satisfaction in the act of teaching itself and spent much time thinking about how to do it better.
Since being a scuba diving instructor is ultimately about teaching, I spent the second half of this year thinking more deeply about education than ever before. Being new to the job, I was clumsy, and because I wasn't satisfied with my own performance, I studied even harder. I haven't reached the level I desire yet, but I refuse to lower my standards. I believe the more I know, the more I can give. I have to keep studying. I hope to live as a lifelong learner, someone who studies consistently, even if just a little bit at a time.
Epoché
This year, I first encountered the word Epoché through author Shin Ha-young’s mailing list. Epoché is an ancient Greek term meaning "suspension of judgment." It means stopping all sorts of judgments and seeing and accepting things exactly as they are.
I realized I had been "cosplaying" empathy. They say that just listening well gets you halfway there, but I was too busy defending myself with various judgments. Why was I in such a rush? Couldn't I have thought a bit more slowly, a bit more deeply? Lately, I feel I’ve become too quick to judge. I’ve decided to try thinking more calmly, slowly, and a bit more gently.
Solitude and Connection
I strive to be a good person, but I’m sure I’m not "good" to everyone. To me, a good person is a kind person. I believe you must love to be truly kind.
As always, I hold the belief that those who will come will come, and those who will go will go. Life is inherently a solitary journey, and we create connections because that solitude can be lonely. Above all, there is so little we can do alone. Happiness only becomes reality when it is shared.
There are moments when we must feel solitude, but having someone you love by your side can make your day so much better. Even in their absence, having a friend, a lover, or a partner who trusts you and respects your space might be what allows you to live a better life.
I’m quoting these sentences from Yu Ji-hye’s The Friendship Thief:
"Absence proves existence, and through loss, we realize the possession of love."
"A love expressed not by saying 'stay by my side,' but by saying 'don't leave.' A love that pre-visualizes a world without you, realizes the futility of it, and holds on even more faithfully."
"A beautiful peace was born when two people existed entirely as themselves. A love that allows me to remain as myself even when I have a partner. A flexible love that can transform—at times a friend, at times a lover. That trust didn't burn like a wildfire, but it never once went out. A relationship where the wind could pass through. The coolness of that breeze signified eternity."
The Korean word for beauty (areum-dap-da) contains the meaning of "knowing" (areum). To know a person means to think of them often. Still, seeing each other too frequently can sometimes be painful, so let's see each other deeply, for a long time, occasionally. I hope to love them and be with them forever.
The Secret Art of Dying
Now, let us speak of death.
Passing, departure, decease—death, expressed in so many words, lingers unnoticed by our sides. I lost three acquaintances this year, a tragedy that I cannot find the words to describe. I hope that when I eventually face my own death, I will think just a little more about those who remain in this world.
I made a promise to the departed. Foolishly, I didn't make it sooner. No one else knows, but could there be a heavier promise? A conviction worth protecting with my very mission. I must live on. We aren't just living because we happened to be born; we must do our best to live out our lives. Those who have exhausted their lives before us would not want us to join them in death just yet.
I want to remember their bright faces, their transparent hearts filled with the sky. If we try to smile, we will be able to. Instead of remembering while being buried in sadness, I hope I can use their memory as a guide and a driving force for happiness. Because I love them as much as the universe.
As Haruki said, death is not the opposite of life but a part of it. As Montaigne said, let us wait for death, realize how to die, and be liberated from all subjugation and oppression. Rather than being afraid, I hope we can overcome—and live. Let's patiently endure the trials that fate sends our way. When our time comes, may we meet death politely and be able to say in the afterlife: how much we suffered, how much we cried, and how much we cherished our memories.
Health
Health is the ultimate asset.
In my case, since I enter the ocean almost every day, I theoretically burn an average of 1,200 to 1,800 kcal a day. Based on my body, this is roughly equivalent to a high-intensity circuit training session lasting about three hours.
Furthermore, scuba diving offers various physical health benefits. It improves cardiovascular health by raising the heart rate and promoting circulation, and it strengthens upper and lower body muscles as you use your strength to support weight and control movement underwater.
Personally, it’s also been great for my mental health. Compared to any work I’ve done before, it provides incomparably less stress. I don't usually feel much stress, but there were times when it would accumulate and lead to depression; I’m not at that stage now.
I don't skip breakfast or lunch and always eat a reasonable amount. I try to eat foods that aren't too salty and, as always, I minimize seasonings. The problem, if there is one, is dinner. Since August this year, I’ve been drinking alcohol almost every day.
My drink of choice is soju. Occasionally I’ll have a bottle of beer, but usually, I drink two to three bottles of soju a day. I make sure to eat snacks while drinking, but I know alcohol isn't good for my health. Conclusion: it would be better to cut back or quit entirely. But for now, I plan to drink a bit more.
Ironically, alcohol seems better for my current mental state. (Laughs)
I still haven't been liberated from sleep issues. I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve slept soundly this year. I lie in bed before 11 PM, but that becomes difficult when drinking sessions run long. I hope I can sleep better next year. More than anything, I hope you have peaceful nights and enjoy the full depth of deep sleep.
Acknowledgments
This annual letter is my love letter to you. While it takes the form of a retrospect, I am ultimately telling you that I miss you. While reality is frustrating when I can't visit as often as I want, I believe we are all doing our best in our respective positions. As we long for each other, when the day finally comes that we meet again, let’s say the things we couldn't say then: how sad we were, how happy we were. And how happy I am to be with you in this moment.
There are many people I am grateful to this year. I'll offer my thanks using the first initial of their names. If you know me, I trust you’ll recognize yourself. I cannot mention everyone, but I ask for your kind understanding. My year was rich because of all of you.
When I was a soldier, I don't think I really felt like a soldier. It might sound strange, but I gained so much working in the kitchen, and I finished my service smoothly and enjoyably. My thanks go to the section chief, the administrators, the company commander, and all the officers. Also to J and Y, who were my juniors but major sources of inspiration. I became friends with the company commander, J. I hope to build more memories with him.
Thank you to S, H, D, and M, who always welcome me. They are friends who truly give their best in their respective places. They are also incredibly hard to see—D and I both work overseas, making it even harder. Still, I look forward to the day we all meet again. I hope we stay in touch a bit more. S came to Bohol in November. I can't tell you how happy it made me to teach a friend scuba diving and issue a certification in my name.
Thank you to B, D, and T, who are always my role models. I gain the drive to move toward a better life thanks to them. Like the friends mentioned above, it’s hard to see them often, but I hope we find the time to see each other more. I love that we fight so fiercely for our lives but can play without a single thought in the world when we are together.
And D. Friend D came to Bohol with his younger brother in October. Before leaving Korea, when I met him and W, he said he’d come learn to dive, but I didn't expect it to happen so soon. He was the first of my friends to learn scuba diving from me. I also got close to his brother during the four-day course. We had dinner together after diving, drank together, and shared many stories. I still can't forget the joy when he said he was coming, the anticipation while waiting to pick them up at the airport, and the regret when dropping them back off. I cherish and love them very much. I had a happy week thanks to them. I hope it was the same for them.
Thank you to the "uncles" who prepared for the instructor exam with me, and to the shop owner who helped me become an instructor. Thanks to you, I learned so much in a short time and am still learning. And thank you to my friend J for connecting me to all this. As my teacher, colleague, and friend—I was able to adapt to the work much faster because of J. He taught me so much and helped me learn even more. If the best welfare is being able to work with someone excellent you trust, I am enjoying the best welfare. We see each other every day, and we might have fought, but thank you for being so considerate. I’ll try to be more considerate too. Sorry for not expressing it enough. I’m very grateful.
Thank you to my parents. I'll be a better son. I'll call you more often.
A year is long, but a quarter is short. Since it’s been a while, I had much to say, and even after cutting it down, this letter became long. I’m sorry I couldn't write individual essay-letters to "my people" like last year. If a day comes when I can send a letter without needing a special occasion, I will do so.
Thank you to everyone who was with me this year. I wish you health and peace. I look forward to your continued support.
I end this with the best sentence I've found and written this year.
Farewell for now.
I learned that such trivial and insignificant days stack up to become seasons, and seasons stack up to become a life.
- Kim Ae-ran, Summer Outside
The clearest evidence of wisdom is cheerfulness.
- Michel de Montaigne, The Essays
We don't love because we're alike; we're alike because we love.
I did my best to follow exactly what the person who was best at it taught me. Because I didn't know anything. When I reached a point where I could follow them perfectly, I thought about how to do it even better than they did. Eventually, I was the one making everything best.
Looking back, I always chose the hardest path. When I chose the hardest path, it turned out to be the best decision.
It’s hard to put into words the know-how or details of someone at the absolute top of their craft. You can only learn it by watching over their shoulder. And that tiny difference determines the final quality.
Some people think working with a smile is happiness, but I don't think so. When you get a great result after focusing everything and working intensely, that happiness is much greater and more rewarding. Those who haven't done it don't know. But I know how happy that feels.
- Chef Sung-jae Ahn
Giving up breeds excuses; will finds a way.
I don't think about my age. I don't even think, "I'm healthy for my age." My standard for health isn't age; it's whether I can do what I want to do right now.
- Lee Gil-ya, President of Gachon University
Loss brought the buoys of love, which had been submerged in the sea, to the surface one by one. There were times I looked at the sky because I missed him, only to feel suffocated by how many buoys had surfaced. Because the love he gave me was as vast as the universe.
- Author Shin Ha-young
Wisdom of the past sometimes pierces through the present.
The ominous ghost creeps in without us noticing, and the tragedy we only imagined becomes a stark reality all too easily.
- Rachel Carson, Silent Spring
Happiness over "being right."
In a world where distorted images and words that have lost their meaning feast 24 hours a day,
the punishment for those who don't join the feast might be depression and anxiety.
And the inward aggression that follows...Like the boundary between the blue sea and a massive gray silo,
both disparate worlds are the places where our lives are stationed,
but if there are those who demand exclusive exile to either side,
simply understanding the structure of desire behind their lies, perhaps,
the classic path of self-discipline—treating learning as a process of self-cultivation—might not be that different from the clumsy path of art....I pray that you equip yourself with the strength and humor to occasionally say "cut the crap" to a world that makes you use too much energy just to protect yourself.
- X, @bikebawar
One for your wish, and the other for someone else's wish that is as desperate as yours.
- Patrick Bringley, All the Beauty in the World
I want to write a story about saving. But I don't know what needs to be saved. Saving means preventing something before it happens, but I—we—always realize the world was a mess, we were in danger, and things were risky only after they've already happened. It’s always those who went first who save those who remain.
- Cheon Seon-ran, Moss Forest
If you make music or a movie about smooth, easy love, I think there's nothing more boring. The first sentence of Tolstoy's Anna Karenina starts like this: 'All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.' Love is the same. It ends in catastrophe in all different ways. That's what's truly interesting and tasty. You also get the 'wound' as a trophy. I believe wounds gather to create a mature personality.
I think women, especially, should look into what they truly want. Usually, you're taught by society to suppress your desires. Then it's easy to miss what makes you happy. Honestly, I spend all my time outside of work thinking about how to have fun. How to play more interestingly. I see many people who don't know what to do when they have free time. That means they don't really know what they like. To live a full life in this finite existence before we die, we must realize this. Immersing oneself into one's inner self; I hope everyone tries it at least once. Another word for that is meditation.
- Singer Yuna Kim
Flowers smile without a sound; birds cry without a tear.
In the dawn, I live the future;
In the day, I live the present;
In the night, I live the past.So that I don't feel ashamed when I gently look at my memories,
let us live today fiercely,
and while being happy here and there amidst that intensity,
let us draw the future clearly.
We all need to practice running slowly.
- Cheon Seon-ran, A Thousand Blues
In our finite lifespan, as we get closer to the end of life every single day, I believe an invisible God will continue to encourage us so that we don't waste even a single second.
- nomad