It was a year of grappling with writing, love, and happiness. Perhaps the problem was trying to catch all three rabbits at once. I allowed melancholy to consume me, wasting away in the pathetic sight of myself longing for someone and then pitying that very longing. Yet, I struggled to keep living. Usually, when you long to see someone, it's because you can no longer endure on your own—but I couldn't bring myself to reach out to anyone in my contacts. I wanted someone to lean on. Why was I so hesitant to lean even on the people I cherish most? It was foolish.
I still have much to learn about what I like and dislike, but I am living a life that is slow yet steadfastly true to myself. The plans I made this year and the events that actually unfolded prove it. My philosophy on relationships—preferring to see people consistently over a long time rather than frequently—has been a great support for my life. Beyond my inner circle, there were people who gifted me their time this year. I offer my gratitude to everyone who crossed paths with me. If I seemed inadequate at the time, I’m sorry. Even so, I always wish for your peace.
Relationships crumble in a cycle where you make the assumptions and I take the blame. I’ve stopped thinking about the despicable pettiness of humans who attack one another and refuse to admit fault. The world is filled with more bizarre people than I ever imagined—and in their eyes, I am likely one of them. Nevertheless, I live boldly and calmly for my people and for myself. I protect my self-esteem by ignoring what needs to be ignored and being stubborn where I need to be.
That is why I read books. As a certain American surgeon once said, books are like finely polished lenses, showing the world as a new desert and serving as our closest friends. Literature conveys the meaning of humanity through diverse stories, not only reflecting the experiences of others but also providing the richest material for moral reflection. In contrast, non-fiction documents events, giving us the power to predict what might happen next in our dynamic world and which theories might apply.
If we call literature "Art" and non-fiction "Science," it becomes clear where the focus should be. Han Muk, an abstract painter who worked in France, said that while both science and art are based on reality, science aims to explore reality whereas art aims to transcend it. In the past, I was so busy exploring reality that I didn't realize what kind of contemplation literature could offer. Now, I love literature. Great literary works guide me through their unique "technologies," helping me sublimate reality into art.
Art has helped me take a step closer to love and happiness. That’s why I visited exhibitions obsessively, hunting for even the smallest beautiful yet "useless" things in life. I can confidently say that most of my hobbies stem from a desire to know. I believe life is the most noble and refined form of art. If there is anything beautiful in our world, that is art. A life that pursues beauty is a wonderful and healthy life. Living for such a life, and for a meaningful death, is perhaps the very reason we exist.
Death comes for us all. Whether a sudden disaster strikes us helpless or our identities are held in someone else’s hands, death is always the final victor. I don't know how it will feel to actually face it, but death forces a clear divide between what I hope for and what I am certain of, demanding space for vain hopes. If living is to fade away like that, then I will let happiness fill the spaces left by sadness.
Hey. I really want you, Hyung, and Noona to be at peace. How was your year? I’m sure there were things you did well and things you regret. Even so, I’ll make sure to recognize that you lived better than anyone. So when I’m having a hard time, please help me out a little. It’s nothing big. Just meet me, have a drink with me. That simple act is a huge source of strength for me. I love you all. I didn't realize it until now. Let's keep getting along. Let's be happy. Life is so beautiful, even when it’s this precarious.